COLOR > GRAY.

i am home sick (for the third day in a row!!!) and i am basically looking for any excuse to do anything that fills time from the comfort of my bed. first, i watched three episodes of sex and the city. i am happy to report that the ladies of sex and city are still 67% relevant. next, i brushed porter from head to toe. i was able to collect enough hair from him that i am sure someone could knit at least one small mitten. let me know if you are interested in his fur for your knitting pleasure.

after pup grooming, i was looking through my pictures from my recent trip to hawaii. i was sitting there, surrounded by tissues, drinking licorice tea, and  and thought, "hey, my mom would like to see these!" so, i posted the pictures to facebook. less than a minute later, i took them down. because, here's the thing, i am stuck in a confusing place where i am happy about all the things happening in my life but i also feel terribly worried and aware that my happiness upsets others. i don't know how to find a balance or reconciliation between these conflicting feelings. on the one hand, i know that i deserve to be happy. on the other hand, i want everyone else to be happy too.

for the last few months i've been talking about how my life feels like it falls in some sort of gray area. everything used to be easy. i had strong opinions on what my life should be like and what was the "right thing" to do. it was black and white. then everything got messy. i wasn't sure what the "right thing" was anymore. life was complicated and confusing. it seemed like i was in some sort of gray area.

but, the thing is, my life is not gray. it is full of love and beauty and fun and friendship and none of that can be described as gray. so, i am done saying my life falls in the gray area. sure, it's not black and white anymore, but it's definitely not gray either. 

and you know what else was the opposite of gray? HAWAII! it was all sunhats and convertible and sno-cones and chickens and iced coffees and saltwater sandals all day everyday. so, let's look at that,  because i prefer color to gray.

DREAM WORLD.

if you ever hear me say, "next year i want to..." or "last year i learned a lot about..." you can pretty much guarantee that the year i am referring to is the one that starts in september and ends in june. for me the year is exactly nine months long. this, of course, creates three months that are not technically in any year at all. (they couldn't be because they are better than all the other months and they would make all the other months too jealous.) ninety magical, non-working days. days where i wake up to the sun shining through my french doors, slowly sip coffee, and then do exactly what i want all day long. some days that means i ride in a hot tub boat (the best day!), some days i organize my shoes, and some days i hop in the car with my bestest for an impromptu road trip. this year i am having a particularly difficult time transitioning from this sunny, dream world to my new year. i want to spend a few more days lying in the grass at the park, eating summer salads from to-go containers and drinking soda water. i want to spend a a couple more mornings listening to records with my sweetie while we make breakfast so late it's almost lunch. i'm not quite ready for it all to be over, not ready for the new year to start and the sun to slip away. so, tonight i'm sorting through pictures from this summer and trying to hold on to the magic just a little bit longer.

yep, it was a good one.