my roommate katie made this comparison of waffles when she was seven weeks old to waffles now, six months later. it's basically the cutest thing i've ever seen, so i figured you'd want to see it too. duh, right?



this morning i slept in, stumbled into the living room, made a strong pot of coffee, and browsed vintage pennants with my darling and brilliant roommate. (you should probably check out her pennants, they're so good!) dashel is making waffles, the ronettes are waking us up by basically begging us to mash potato, and the pups are playing a rousing game of self-fetch. the rain is hitting against the pavement outside and we just turned on football. sigh, i hope this sunday lasts all week.



i am a joiner. i love joining. it's just fun. it feels good. in fact, just talking about it right now i want to scream, "c'mon everybody, isn't joining great?! let's all make a club about how great joining is!" that's because i am an adult woman who is always trying to start clubs... hot tub club, girl talk club, taylor swift fan club club, under the dome club, books written exclusively by celebrities book club, pasta every monday night club, sock hop sunday club. anytime a group of people can rally together around a common cause i get pretty stoked. (heads up, because of this, i fear i could be easily persuaded to join a cult. go ahead and strongly encourage me to avoid all contact with cults.) so, as you can imagine, i am pretty excited about how on-board everyone is with the seahawks this year. i have friends who have never watched the hawks before wanting to tailgate on sundays, host chili cook-offs while the we score touchdowns, and watch kickoff while enjoying pink champagne and football oreos in the hot tub. as someone who loves joining, i say the more the merrier. i hope you'll join.



i am home sick (for the third day in a row!!!) and i am basically looking for any excuse to do anything that fills time from the comfort of my bed. first, i watched three episodes of sex and the city. i am happy to report that the ladies of sex and city are still 67% relevant. next, i brushed porter from head to toe. i was able to collect enough hair from him that i am sure someone could knit at least one small mitten. let me know if you are interested in his fur for your knitting pleasure.

after pup grooming, i was looking through my pictures from my recent trip to hawaii. i was sitting there, surrounded by tissues, drinking licorice tea, and  and thought, "hey, my mom would like to see these!" so, i posted the pictures to facebook. less than a minute later, i took them down. because, here's the thing, i am stuck in a confusing place where i am happy about all the things happening in my life but i also feel terribly worried and aware that my happiness upsets others. i don't know how to find a balance or reconciliation between these conflicting feelings. on the one hand, i know that i deserve to be happy. on the other hand, i want everyone else to be happy too.

for the last few months i've been talking about how my life feels like it falls in some sort of gray area. everything used to be easy. i had strong opinions on what my life should be like and what was the "right thing" to do. it was black and white. then everything got messy. i wasn't sure what the "right thing" was anymore. life was complicated and confusing. it seemed like i was in some sort of gray area.

but, the thing is, my life is not gray. it is full of love and beauty and fun and friendship and none of that can be described as gray. so, i am done saying my life falls in the gray area. sure, it's not black and white anymore, but it's definitely not gray either. 

and you know what else was the opposite of gray? HAWAII! it was all sunhats and convertible and sno-cones and chickens and iced coffees and saltwater sandals all day everyday. so, let's look at that,  because i prefer color to gray.



i have attempted to start this post so many times in so many ways but, the thing is, there are virtually no words to express what my friends have meant to me over the last few months. on that first night, when i couldn't even drag myself off the couch, i looked up and my home was filled to the brim with hugs and warm cups of tea and i knew that i was loved and supported in a way that took my breath away. then there were the late giggly nights spent solving hot tub problems in sparkel springs, spaghetti dinners that turned into last minute karaoke parties, a sock hop where we danced and twisted and mash potato-ed into the wee hours of the night, and a mailbox full of the sweetest words.

it seems to me that this love and support should be coming to an end soon. i'm not so sad. i'm okay. i'm doing it. but the support just keeps coming. there are friends who wake up early and run to my house to make me waffles, roommates who dance to taylor swift while we drink cup after cup of coffee, old friends who appear with an email or message of support at just the perfect time, far away friends who send bright pink tulips and gift cards (buying glittery anything solves almost any problem), colleagues who fill my fridge with homemade granola bars and smoothies.

i truly don't know what i would have done would do without all of you and as i type this tears fall. i am totally, completely, utterly, fully overwhelmed by how lucky i am to be surrounded by your love. thank you. thank you. thank you.




today a friend of mine said, "i forget what people talk about when they don't just talk about other people. the weather? clothes? the food they're eating? current events? stuff we bought that we like?" it took me a minute a split second to realize she was right. it sure does feel like all any of us talk about anymore is each other. what if instead of talking about each other we all just assume that everyone is doing their best possible job at living their best possible lives by making the best possible choices they can? i, for one, am taking a serious gossip break. interested in joining me for a talk about the beautiful spring weather or the the vintage glitter i bought over the weekend?

you know what's cuter than gossip? this piece of art titled gossip.



when people ask me if i work out, i always, always, always reply with the same answer, "oh no, definitely not. i try to avoid all types of exercise whenever possible."

you see, i just don't understand why i would choose to partake in something that causes me to angrily yell profanities in my head or wake up with muscles so achy that i can't snuggle a pup or two without grimacing. instead, i prefer to sip coffee and eat breakfast appetizers (do you order breakfast appetizers? if not, you should give it a try... a little sweet treat before real breakfast!) or curl up on the couch with a copy of kinfolk or take a group bath (hot tub) with the beloved board members of sparkel springs and talk late into the night.

however, drastic times call for drastic measures or whatever and i find myself on a serious and vital mission to do anything and everything that has been recommended to make me feel better. so, against my better judgement, i found myself exercising three times in the last week. friday i was a chaperone on the middle school ski bus  and spent the evening snowboarding as the sun set and streetlights flickered to life illuminating the snowy slopes. then, as if that wasn't enough, i walked the grueling .8 miles to work twice this week... both ways, folks, both ways.

as suspected, i cannot report total success. i did, indeed, wake up so sore after snowboarding that it seriously interfered with my pup snuggling and i was forced to schedule a massage (massages are another important part of my "just get through this" plan). but surprisingly, i cannot report total failure either. i never found myself yelling angrily in my head. instead, i was encouraged by a bright pink camellia bush already in full bloom, admired how the clouds moved through the light, and happily skipped along to the crystals "then he kissed me"  for at least a block or two.

certainly no promises, but soon when people ask me if i work out maybe i'll have a new answer that sounds something like this, "oh, exercise? yeah, i generally try to avoid it... but sometimes it's necessary. oh, and i always, always, always schedule a massage for afterwards."

 oh man, the sky was so beautiful right before sunset.

i was scared i wouldn't remember how to snowboard, but it turns out it's a little like riding a bike. with the exception of one major graceful fall, i was pretty proud of myself.

 my view.

 this picture is a little blurry, but this tree was so beautiful. it's always crazy to me how quickly things change from winter to spring.

a house on my way to work set up this "little free library." i would love to put one of these in front my house. what a great way to build community.

when you live in seattle, walking home from work might mean you arrive home a sopping mess. so very wet.



still there are times when i can hardly breathe. still i am figuring out who i am now and where i go from here. still i cry big heavy sobs or small tears almost everyday. still i am just trying to do what is best for me everyday even when it gets messy or seems hard. still i am learning to put myself first.

but, still there are moments when i look at my life and my heart feels like it might burst from so much gratitude and love.

today was a sad day, so i decided i wanted to share some of both the big and small things that still make my heart a little happier...

 taylor swift seems to have written every song just for me. she really gets it.

 these pups like to lounge on the porch in the sun. they get it.

 i recently discovered the game scruples at a beach cabin and it turns out it's the best game best game ever. i feel like my life is a scruples card right now. scruples really gets it.

sometimes when everything else is going wrong you need to watch new girl in the bath. jess just gets it.

leather bows and hichews are the perfect combination. now there is a relationship that is perfectly sweet. they really get each other.

nail art is pretty and fun and sometimes glittery. it makes everyone who gets it say, "i love your nails."

one day we watched beyonce in our hot tub. no one gets it more than beyonce. no one.

 these girls come over almost every saturday at 2:00 in the afternoon to drink bellinis and talk and talk and talk. all week i look forward to seeing them because they really get it.
sometimes on a really bad day all you want is a cute boy to bring you some flowers. he gets it.



it's going to be a good one, folks. i can feel it. after a both brutally sad and surprisingly joyful end to 2012, i am looking forward to a new year. a new start. a new life.
i plan to backtrack and write more about the end of 2012, but for now i'll just share this little secret...